The Beach, Wishes, and Cecil

Cecil on Hanalei Beach, Dec 2005

Cecil loved all beaches but loved no beach more than the beach in Hanalei, Kauai. We spent our honeymoon on this beach in Kauai and have returned for many winter vacations over the New Year holiday. I know he wanted his ashes to be spread at the beach and he would prefer Hanalei Beach but I am not certain I can return here without him but perhaps with time.

I have been able to do some of our favorite things without him. This morning I took my first solo bike ride on the canal to the Biltmore for about an eleven mile ride. I even took a bike class last week to learn how to change a tire and fix the gears. I never needed to know this information since Cecil knew how to fix everything, including our bikes. The bike ride was good but not as much fun as with him. While I am feeling better everyday, I am not sure anything will be as much fun as it was with Cecil. I also know his wish is for me to be happy and enjoy everyday. I am doing the best I can to fulfill his wishes.

Precious Photographs, Memories, and Magic

Riomaggiore, Chinque Terre, Italy, 2004

It has been three months since Cecil died. I wonder how it could be so long ago while it has only been months. I have been reorganizing my photographs this week, which has been very comforting for me. I have all of my photos in organized, chronological albums since I began taking photos with my Brownie camera, when I was a Brownie, but I also have many boxes of duplicates of the photos in the albums.

I decided to make an album of 'Cecil photos' from the duplicates. I put the duplicates in randomly and have filled an album with two hundred Cecil photos. It is remarkable this is really only a sample of all the 'Cecil photos' in my chronological albums. I especially like looking at this new random album.....jumping from years when we were clearly much younger to recent times and changing between our wide variety of different experiences and adventures.

Photographs have always been magic for me.......when I look at them I remember and re-experience my feelings at the time the photo was taken. I have been magically and deliciously transported all this week and have loved every moment with each photo.

Enjoying the View

Woods Canyon Lake, Mogollon Rim, Arizona

Michalangelo's Piazza, Florence, Italy

I always loved to take photos of Cecil....and he was very patient with me and my photography passion most of the time. I have a friend, Brian, who says, "There is a fine line between hobbies and mental illness for many people." At times, Cecil would have said I may have crossed the line but because he loved to see me happy, he encouraged and supported all my photographic needs, desires, and compulsions.

I especially like to take photos of the back of people in order to be able to also see the view as it is being seen by the person. I know he relished enjoying the views whether it was the natural beauty of northern Arizona or the majestic beauty of Renaissance Florence. Cecil loved life and adventure and his joyful spirit filled our home, our tent trailer, our houseboat, and my soul. If he would have had a motto, it would be 'Carpe Diem,' which he lived by everyday. I loved our life and our adventures. I love him and miss him beyond any words, pictures, poems, or songs.