Life, Death, and Dogs

This is a photo of an amazing moment. Molly had come to the Hospice Unit everyday and laid on Cecil's bed next to him. This photo was taken a few moments after he died. She had been on the floor but stood up on the side of the bed to be lifted up. When I lifted her up, she first smelled his mouth and then laid down on his chest and immediately closed her eyes. This is what sorrow and loss look like on a faithful dog.

Cecil always said dogs know so much more about life, and apparently death, than we humans do. Molly continues to comfort me with love and kisses in all my moments but especially when she believes it is her self appointed task to lick the tears from my face.

Cecil & his dear friend, Jim Gann, at Mount St Helens

I spoke with Jim today on the phone. Talking with him was comforting because I felt Cecil was present since Jim is so much a part of Cecil.

Time & World Since Cecil Died

Thursday was the 4th week since Cecil died and tomorrow, April 15th, will be one month since he died. I do not believe it can be so short a time and also believe it cannot be that long a time.

I remember after Jessica was born, I was amazed on the ride home how the world did NOT look different. I was in awe of the change in my life and could not believe the rest of the world had not acknowledged this remarkable change. The world was clearly brighter to me. As I look around me now, I am amazed the world, again, does not seem to be aware of the incredible change since Cecil died. The world is clearly dimmer to me.

This week many colleagues I had not seen since Cecil died expressed their sympathy. I told them it was ‘a private club’ since no one can understand the loss of their love until it happens to them. One agreed she did not want to be a member of the club. I do not want to be a member of club either.

Letter from Cecil's dear friend, Jay Hendrix

Cecil,
It has been difficult to not be able to pick the phone up and call you. You always answered "Hi Jay Boy."
You have taken me down the path of opportunity to learn and grow in this time we had together. I didn't think I could ever take time off work, travel and see the world in a different light, but you made it possible and I will forever be grateful for these memories in taking me to new heights we shared.
The bond and admiration we had in friendship and business are something that is very difficult to find in a person.. You were there and I know you are still there in spirit every day!
Your love for Paulette and the kids is so genuine and how lucky they are to have known that.. I want to tell you as I always have, you're a Great Friend and I Love and Miss You.
Your Best Friend,
Jay Hendrix

Message from Cecil through Cindy

Cindy, Cecil's daughter, sent me a message from the website, The Adventurer's Club, (Please click the link on the left to read and hear the message). Initially I was overwhemed but then I was very comforted by the message because I am certain it was a clear message from Cecil. It was three weeks last Thursday since Cecil died. I have been what might be considered as 'doing well,' but in the past few days have been more submerged in the incredible sorrow and emotion of the loss of Cecil; however, since the message I have been calmed and reassured.

Letter from Cecil's dear friend, Bill Kidwell

Dear Paulette,

There are no words that you have not thought of or others have not said to express how we felt about Cecil. I think I will write a letter to Cecil and you can read along.

Best Pal, We won't walk along a sandy beach again or get up early in the morning to cast a lure into the water. We won't get to take the dog for a walk or play gin rummy with our wives. We won't get to open a bottle of wine and pour the first glass or set down to a scrumptious meal you so happily prepared. We won't get to the cabin an smell the pine trees or start a fire in the fireplace. We won't get to go to church and discuss things that were important to us. We won't get to plan a new project or see it's conclusion. I will not get to hear you tell me how much you loved Paulette and the kids and I will not get to tell you how much I loved you. It is hard to write these words with the tears dripping off my chin, but you are worth every tear and every memory. I will cherish them all.
Good bye old friend.
Bill

Cecil Compton died March 15th, 2007 at 5:25 PM Mountain time.

Joy and Sorrow

Gibran tells us the connection between 'Joy and Sorrow,' and how we have sorrow at the same depth of our joy when we lose that which has brought us the joy. When I worked in Hospice I used to ask the surviving spouse if I could ask them a 'stupid question.' I would then ask them if they would have preferred NOT to have had the love and joy with their loved one who died in order to have less sorrow now? They all answered no to the stupid question. I also would answer no to the stupid question and do find comfort now in the depth of my sorrow because it is directly related to the love and joy I had with Cecil.

My first blog

Today my good friend, Mary, is teaching me how to create this blog.