The Kiss of Love

This outstanding photo was taken by our dear friend, Ken Cale, in December 2001, after we renewed our marriage vows with our amazing Glide pastor, Douglass Fitch. Afterwards we celebrated with a group of Glide friends and a wonderful lunch at the Embarcadero. You can see Alcatraz in the upper right hand corner of the photo. It was an extraordinarily beautiful Sunday and celebration of life for all of us.

Cecil and I created our own salad dressing which we have served to our family and friends. It usually has resulted in rave reviews. I initially started the recipe but he was really the one who improved it to perfection. We decided we wanted to give gifts of jars of the salad dressing so we made labels for the jars with this photo and the text, The Kiss of Love for Your Salad by Cecil and Paulette.

I still have the last amount of the salad dressing he made but I cannot bring myself to eat it. I will save it for later when I will be able to savour it.

Sundays, Glide, and Cecil

Today is another Sunday.....actually the 8th Sunday since Cecil died. These Sundays are the most difficult days for me because Sundays were always a special day for us.

If we were on the houseboat, we would drive to San Francisco. Cecil would usher at Glide.....look at his face to see clearly how much he loved ushering...and I would bask in the loving and joyful music and atmosphere at Glide. Afterwards we would have brunch with friends....often The Cliff House.....and then spend the rest afternoon walking around in the city....our favorite city in the world. The great photo of Cecil's sweet smile while ushering at Glide was taken by our dear friend, Wayne Halladay.

If we were in Phoenix, Sunday was also our most special day of the week....beginning with reading the New York Times, then Cec cooking an outstanding brunch. In the afternoon we would read our books, nap, go to the dog park, drink wine in our courtyard at twilight with a fire, and Cec would cook a scrumptious dinner. We absolutely enjoyed every moment of the day with each other.

All of these Sundays were especially delicious for both of us. I miss him everyday but I miss him the most on Sundays.

Life, Death, and Dogs

This is a photo of an amazing moment. Molly had come to the Hospice Unit everyday and laid on Cecil's bed next to him. This photo was taken a few moments after he died. She had been on the floor but stood up on the side of the bed to be lifted up. When I lifted her up, she first smelled his mouth and then laid down on his chest and immediately closed her eyes. This is what sorrow and loss look like on a faithful dog.

Cecil always said dogs know so much more about life, and apparently death, than we humans do. Molly continues to comfort me with love and kisses in all my moments but especially when she believes it is her self appointed task to lick the tears from my face.

Cecil & his dear friend, Jim Gann, at Mount St Helens

I spoke with Jim today on the phone. Talking with him was comforting because I felt Cecil was present since Jim is so much a part of Cecil.

Time & World Since Cecil Died

Thursday was the 4th week since Cecil died and tomorrow, April 15th, will be one month since he died. I do not believe it can be so short a time and also believe it cannot be that long a time.

I remember after Jessica was born, I was amazed on the ride home how the world did NOT look different. I was in awe of the change in my life and could not believe the rest of the world had not acknowledged this remarkable change. The world was clearly brighter to me. As I look around me now, I am amazed the world, again, does not seem to be aware of the incredible change since Cecil died. The world is clearly dimmer to me.

This week many colleagues I had not seen since Cecil died expressed their sympathy. I told them it was ‘a private club’ since no one can understand the loss of their love until it happens to them. One agreed she did not want to be a member of the club. I do not want to be a member of club either.

Letter from Cecil's dear friend, Jay Hendrix

Cecil,
It has been difficult to not be able to pick the phone up and call you. You always answered "Hi Jay Boy."
You have taken me down the path of opportunity to learn and grow in this time we had together. I didn't think I could ever take time off work, travel and see the world in a different light, but you made it possible and I will forever be grateful for these memories in taking me to new heights we shared.
The bond and admiration we had in friendship and business are something that is very difficult to find in a person.. You were there and I know you are still there in spirit every day!
Your love for Paulette and the kids is so genuine and how lucky they are to have known that.. I want to tell you as I always have, you're a Great Friend and I Love and Miss You.
Your Best Friend,
Jay Hendrix

Message from Cecil through Cindy

Cindy, Cecil's daughter, sent me a message from the website, The Adventurer's Club, (Please click the link on the left to read and hear the message). Initially I was overwhemed but then I was very comforted by the message because I am certain it was a clear message from Cecil. It was three weeks last Thursday since Cecil died. I have been what might be considered as 'doing well,' but in the past few days have been more submerged in the incredible sorrow and emotion of the loss of Cecil; however, since the message I have been calmed and reassured.